You smell like a Billy Joel song
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
