So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I am one with the molecules
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
