just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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