I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I am available for nakedness
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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