Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
