Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You're completely useless in the revolution.
there's paper in my vomit.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
