The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
