Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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