Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
