God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
