I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
