peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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