I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
