Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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