i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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