Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
