Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
