Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
