NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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