I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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