FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
