You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
