My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Randomize
