there's paper in my vomit.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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