and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
