I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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