she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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