You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
