I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
