Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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