I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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