You can't motorboat a personality
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
