; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
