my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
