Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
