Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
