I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
