I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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