Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
