Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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