Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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