Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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