I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
