At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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