just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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