He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
