You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
