Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Randomize
