oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
