For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
