Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
