Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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