Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
