Rock
Scissors
Fuck
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
