you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
