Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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