its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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