im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
