Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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