He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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