he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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